Last week I talked about movies that shouldn’t be remade: those prestigious classics that are so engrained in our culture that attempting to create a new version is most likely going to wind up a disaster. We saw it with Gus Van Saint’s Psycho and within the past few weeks with Arthur. Unfortunately, not all movies are of such a high caliber bearing as those we talked about last week. Sometimes a movie comes from a good concept, but the execution is flawed, whether it be due to lack of proper funding, inexperience, or a combination of both. In short, sometimes there are movies that should be remade, allowing a good concept to be realized in a more proper execution. Think about the difference between Tron and Tron: Legacy and you’ll see what I mean: Legacy takes the awesome setting and concept of Tron but puts it into a story that doesn’t have the pacing issues and limits that were around when the original picture was baked up.
This week I’ve compiled a list of movies that should be remade, or at least wouldn’t receive much in the way of moans and groans from me if remakes were announced (and, in at least two cases, they have been). Some of these may remain nostalgic favorites, but when we revisit them we realize they aren’t the movie we remember them to be, and maybe the thought of a new version or new chapter might help revitalize them, as Legacy did Tron. Much like last week, these are titles that quickly jumped to mind, and are by no means a comprehensive list.
Fahrenheit 451: For years we’ve been promised a new version of this Bradbury adaptation, but it has yet to come to fruition. Every time it’s mentioned I’m reminded how much I dislike the 1966 Francois Truffaut original. Too much of what is a fantastic novel is changed (seriously: Clarisse and Montag’s wife played by the same actress… and Clarisse lives?), which almost brings some of Bradbury’s entire theme to life. There are parts of Truffaut’s film I adore, but as a whole this is an embarassment to Bradbury’s brilliance (we won’t even go into A Sound of Thunder, which we’d just like to forget exists in the first place)
Clash of the Titans: I’ve been a huge fan of the original Clash of the Titans since I first saw the movie in theaters, but it’s definitely a movie that has been robbed by the passage of time. Those Harryhausen effects just can’t stand up to contemporary efforts, and parts of the story are just plain silly (I love Bubo, but a clockwork owl from the Gods is a bit ridiculous). Unfortunately the remake we got didn’t seem to understand why the story of Perseus was so fascinating, instead focusing on his demigod status and a (contemporary culture) war between Zeus and Hades. A good remake would return to the foundation of the original, remove some of the kitsch, and provide a final product that honors the original movie while captivating new audiences.
They Live!: I commented on this one when we had John Carpenter as our artist of the month. As much as I love the cult value of this original, I think there’s so much more they could do with the storyline. Hell, I’d actually like to see it receive a Tron: Legacy treatment – add to the existing story with a new chapter that builds on what the original established. Just make sure Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David put in an appearance of some sort.
The Black Cauldron: Fantasy fans know this as one of Disney’s greatest mistakes, making an animated version of Lloyd Alexander’s Prydain Chronicles, or at least part of them. Much darker than Disney was used to in those days (before Hunchback of Notre Dame), the film was obviously out of place at the House of Mouse. The content would have been much more at home with Don Bluth in those days, but today there are plenty of animation studios (and directors) that could handle the content a little better, especially as our movie-going culture has expanded past the idea that animated movies are only for kids. My vote to handle directing duties: Zack Snyder, Shane Acker, or Timur Bekmambetov!
Judge Dredd: I know this one is already in the works, but I wanted to (yet again) throw my support behind it. Stallone’s Judge Dredd isn’t a terrible movie (okay, Rob Schneider is terrible, but the movie itself isn’t), but it isn’t a “Judge Dredd” story either. Between wanting to keep the helmet off of Stallone’s face and make him a more likeable character, too many compromises were made for a character that had a very definite (and popular) personality. This is another case of going to the source material and creating something that stays more true to what might draw people to a “Judge Dredd” story in the first place.
Battlefield Earth: L. Ron Hubbard’s epic science-fiction piece actually has a lot of promise. What it really needs is to be separated from the ideas of Scientology, much like separating wheat from chaff. In an attempt to remain too aligned (and devoted) to Hubbard’s philosophical work, too many decent elements of Battlefield Earth were abandoned or overlooked. Put the novel in the hands of a good (non-Scientologist) writer, then put that script in the hands of a decent (non-Scientologist) director, and keep John Travolta the hell away from all of it, and you might wind up with a memorable sci-fi invasion story instead of this debacle, considered by many to be one of the worst movies of all time.
Pearl Harbor: Was there anyone who didn’t want to see the movie the trailer for Pearl Harbor advertised? It remains one of the best trailers to date, but the film took heroism (and Bay-ism) to a ridiculous height. A remake could take the concept back to the cutting board – look at why the trailer had so many people’s interest piqued, and how the final movie failed to deliver on that because of its own excess. Then trim the story down to be the movie actually advertised from that trailer. Voila! Instant possibilities, and the blueprint is already sitting there, waiting to be used.
Star Wars: Episode I & Episode II: Last week I said nobody should try touching the Star Wars movies… and I meant that, but only for the original trilogy. The final chapter of the new trilogy, Revenge of the Sith, isn’t quite on par with the classic movies, but does an adequate job of telling the story we really wanted to see. What we never needed was a nine-year-old “Annie” or the ridiculously myopic teen years. Instead, give us two movies that builds the friendship of Obi-Wan and Anakin, showing their heroic efforts during the Clone Wars and building Anakin up as more of a hero than a tormented youth. That last part alone would make his fall all the more tragic, instead of wasting two movies with foreshadowing of the one event we already knew about from twenty years before.
Silent Hill: Most video game movies actually fall into this category, particularly those that wind up with a better treatment within the world of the video game than on the screen (it amazes me how some of these games can have epic storylines that are tossed aside in favor of something a bit more generic in the interest of drawing in a larger audience while alienating the long time fans). Silent Hill had a lot of promise and there are parts of the movie I absolutely love, but I feel like it never came to a cohesive whole. Explore the horrific moments of the movie more and give them weight instead of just oddity, and there’s a chance at a really good movie in here. Similar approaches could be made to Tomb Raider (already in the works), the original Resident Evil, and half the career-library of Uwe Boll as well.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Let’s be honest: if this had been a better movie, we’d have gotten a sequel by now. Instead many fans watched as their childhood was torn apart in the interests of making a generic action picture that couldn’t even live up to its title (for a movie called “The Rise of Cobra” I expect to see more than thirty seconds of Cobra actually existing). How a childhood toy could inspire hours of cartoons and hundreds of comic books, but not a two-hour movie is absurd. Obviously the story content is there, but this wasn’t the right vehicle for it. First move: get rid of Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, and (especially!) anyone with the last name Wayans.
